Paraguayan Women Love American Men.

A week or so ago Elijah (boyfriend) came to visit me in my site.  When I told my mom some of the different stories about his visit she said that I needed to put it in my blog. So here it is, the adventures of Elijah in Valois Riverola:

I had almost been in site for 3 months when Elijah finally came to visit. In his defense, I was living with different host families for the first 2 months so he really couldn’t visit me for those 2.  My host sister, Lourdes, is 26 and has been giving me a lot of grief about the fact that her boyfriend (who is 53) visits every weekend and mine never comes.  She went so far as to imply that he didn’t exist.  However, when she and some of the other younger women in town found out that I was dating a ‘rubio’ (blond in Spanish but they use it more to describe fair skin here), she said that I should watch my back.  When she first said this it was in a playful tone and I wasn’t too concerned. I should have realized how serious she was.

The appeal of an American boyfriend for a Paraguayan woman goes past their love of fair skin and blue eyes.  The reason for this is that Paraguayan men are worthless around the house.  Seriously, it is sad to watch.  For example, my host brother Marcus lives in Asuncion.  Marcus is 23 and recently started dating Lorena who is 17 (not illegal in Paraguay, and fairly normal).  They come visit Marcus’ family about every weekend.  When they come Marcus brings all of his dirty laundry from Asuncion.  Lourdes used to wash all of his clothes but now since he is dating Lorena it is her job.  Lourdes’ boyfriend, Alejo, also brings all of his dirty clothes for Lourdes to wash.  Keep in mind that we are in the middle of a huge drought and have to bring up buckets of water to put in a little machine that covers the clothes in soap.  We then carry the clothes in buckets on our heads and bring them down to the well (it belongs to Don Louis, but he lets us use it since ours is dry) to rinse about 3 times.  It probably takes an hour and a half for me to wash all of my dirty clothes.  This is usually only 4 days worth of clothes because we wash them twice a week. So these guys bring a week worth of dirty clothes for their girlfriends to wash.  While the women are washing clothes they are also cooking lunch. What are the men doing during all of this you ask? They are drinking terere in the shade!

Back to Elijah’s visit: Elijah came to see me on a Friday.  I had planned on washing my clothes on Thursday before he got there because I had missed the last 2 laundry days and had a ton of dirty clothes.  The problem is that it rained on Thursday so I couldn’t wash my clothes (they have to dry on the barbed wire, which yes does leave a ton of holes in my clothes).  I told Elijah this and he said not to worry, we could just do laundry together on Friday.  When I told Lourdes on Friday that Elijah was going to help me carry water from the well to put in the machine she was absolutely outraged. She said that he needed to sit and drink terere while I brought the water up.  The water buckets are really heavy, 40 pounds when full.  Elijah told her he wanted to help and proceeded to help me bring water up, wash my clothes, rinse my clothes, and put them on the line. The women of the family were mesmerized.

Then that Sunday, Elijah and I ate lunch with Lourdes’ family.  She told him to go sit down while we prepared lunch but he said he didn’t want to.  She then caught him going down to the well with my water buckets to fill them up and wash the dishes we had used the night before. Her jaw fell open.  She then yelled at me and said he would never come back the way that I treated him.  By this point Lourdes’ has begun paying more and more attention to Elijah. Telling him to sit with her and drink terere while I go fill the water buckets. She also starts telling me how she thinks he is really good looking.  Finally on the day Elijah is going to leave, Lourdes tells him he has to come say bye to her personally.  She told him he was always welcome and she’d try not to let me over work him the next time he came.

For the week after he left Lourdes has asked me questions about him and constantly made comments. “I am sure Elijah helps his family make dinner” then, “I bet Elijah knows how to dig out mandioca”, it goes on and on.  Then last week she went so far as to ask me if my parents minded that I was dating him.  I at first assumed she meant because he has a lot of tattoos, or maybe because he doesn’t have a left hand (I didn’t mention this earlier, but this adds to his ‘guapo’ hard working affect in the eyes of the Paraguayan women).  She then continues by asking if it would bother my parents that I am bigger than him.  I turn to face her with my jaw hanging down and see that she has a very smug smile on her face.  Sassy Lourdes. Also, I feel like it should be noted that I am not actually bigger than Elijah.

It was a very interesting experience seeing the way that Paraguayans view relationships. Lourdes has been dating her boyfriend for 5 years but she is currently looking for a new, younger boyfriend because she thinks Alejo is too old for her to marry.  She also thinks that any one else’s boyfriend is fair game.  She considers herself lucky because she thinks her boyfriend is too old for anyone to want to steal.  Hopefully her infatuation with Elijah will pass but for now it is pretty entertaining to watch. 

5 Months in Paraguay

I have officially been living in Paraguay for 5 months.  I have done a lot of things here that I probably never would have done in the states. I now know how to bucket bathe, de-feather a chicken, remove a chickens organs, carry 5 gallon buckets on my head, and make more fried food than I ever hope to eat again.  I have also come to really enjoy spending time with my neighbors.  It feels like I haven’t done anything in site yet, and honestly I haven’t.  The first 3 months Peace Corps only expects you to integrate and to try to gain the communities trust.  That’s what I have been trying to do. I spend my mornings milking cows and preparing lunch, I take my siesta, and then I visit with families and drink terere.  School started last week so I plan on visiting and talking with the teachers about how I can help out.  I hope to work with the students in the school garden.  My site is different from most of the other volunteers because it is so small. I only have 30 or so houses in my site where most volunteers have 100 plus houses.  I also do not have any organizations that I can collectively work with.  This means if I plan on giving lectures I have to try to organize the meetings or go house to house talking to families.  It is intimidating now but hopefully within a few months I will have a system worked out and can be more effective.  Right now I am ready to start building my own garden and talking to farmers about future crops. 

Paraguay has also become more enjoyable since I moved into my own house.  I get to cook a few of my own meals each week, which means not fried food. My dueña (landlord) is more like a host mom and wants me to eat all of my meals with her.  She is awesome. Ña Julia is a fiery, short Paraguayan woman.  She is insanely hard working and never takes a break.  She yells at the town drunk when he gets too close to me and yells at me constantly in Guarani.  I think she is yelling nice things but honestly, I have no idea.  The other day I was watching her cook in the outdoor kitchen but apparently she didn’t hear me come up behind her.  I know this because she turned around and screamed when she saw me.  Then she started yelling in Guarani about how I am “too tall” and a “giant”.  She managed to use these as terms of endearment, I promise. We milk the cows together every morning and she worries if she thinks I am out too late running. It is nice to know that there are people that care enough about me in the community to look out for me.

I wish I had come big crazy stories to tell but nothing that intense has happened lately.  I’ve had women beg me to marry their sons, ask if they can have my eyes, and I’ve managed to cut open every finger on my left hand except my pinky.  I’ve been drooled on by the town drunk, been told I’ll be getting married in November, and constantly asked why my skin is turning red instead of brown.  I think that what were crazy stories in October are now just a part of living in Paraguay.  I accept the fact that I have to look out for ants when I use the latrine because if I don’t my butt will get attacked (it really hurts).  I accept that I only get to bathe with 2 liters of water because I need to save the rest of it and it is definitely not worth carrying buckets of water up and down a hill just to wash my hair every day.  I am a much dirtier person than I was upon arrival in Paraguay and I’m only 5 months in.  I am slightly terrified to see what happens after another 21 months.